Puff, the Pathetic Parody
by Well I Don't Mind
Summary: When five girls from Sweden all of a sudden wake up in Mr Weasley's enchanted car, Hogwarts will finally show its true colours. And there are a lot more than just red, green, blue and yellow.. try the whole bleepin' rainbow! Rated T for language. AU.
1. Prologue

**Summary: **I know what every faithful (and not as faithful) Harry Potter-fan has been thinking; what if I ended up at Hogwarts?

But, most of you would say; "No, that's impossible! It's easier to win at the lottery!"

And yes, it probably is. _Or is it_?

One morning, five girls from Sweden all of a sudden wake up in Mr Weasley's enchanted car right outside of the Forbidden Forest, without knowing where they are, what they are doing there or how they even got there in the first place! But one thing is certain; these five girl do not fear a challenge. Oh, and they do like colours..

**Disclaimer: **Now, I don't own the Harry Potter-universe, even though I could give my right leg, my left arm, my one ear and a finger to do so! **  
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**A/N: **Oh my god, it's finally here! :D Juust kidding.. so, here's me and my friends' epic masterpiece finally translated into English, just for you! :D Really, it's zuper awezome :3 No, but seriously, this story isn't serious is any way. And even though I know that character shouldn't be based upon real people, these are. Well... no. Or are they? :O

Enjoy!

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><p><em><strong>Puff – the Pathetic Parody<strong>_

**Prologue**_  
>Girl talk at Wera's place<em>

"Puff, puff, puff, puff, puff, puff…" squeaked Miranda Strömquist, Manda, while she gripped a pillow as she was swaying back and forth.

Wera Wimmergren and Louise Petersson both sighed heavily.

"Why don't you just tell him that you like him?" Wera asked, a bit coldly.

"So, what am I supposed to say, then?" Manda asked offended. "Are you saying that I should just march right up to him and say, 'Hi Patrik! You know what? I'm in love with you!'?" She flung her arms out in a dramatic gesture.

"Yeah!" Wera's said in a pitchy voice, looking innocent. "Why not?"

Matilda Kira, Tuldus, came crawling to Manda and put her hand on her knee. "I understand you, Manda," she said comfortingly. "It's never easy to be in love."

"Oh, please," Louise, Lollo, sighed and shook her head.

Nathalie Näsström, Natta, who had been silent until this moment, chuckled.

"But… but… but Lollo!" Manda pleaded and looked at Lollo. "Please, can I come with you to a jam with your band sometime? You're so good!"

"You just want to see Puff," Wera said, just as coldly as before.

"Soo?" Manda smiled innocently.

"So, how's it going with Jesper then, Tuldus?" Natta asked, and everybody's attention turned towards Tuldus.

She looked a bit dreamy and distant as looked out the window, leaned back against Manda's knees. She then exhaled in a dreamy whisper; "Linus have the most beautiful eyes…"

"No, he looks like an ugly girl!" Wera exclaimed, and you would almost freeze from the coldness in her voice.

"No, he does not!" Tuldus cried shrilly, clearly offended, and bounced up to her feet. "Why do you always criticise my crushes? Wera, you're so mean!"

"Because you always pick ugly guys, and because I love to criticise people," Wera said and shrugged.

"Linus is _not_ ugly!" Tuldus muttered. "You've just got bad taste."

"I do _not _have bad taste!" Wera gasped. "Linus is ugly!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Do you really have to talk about my band members like that?" Lollo shouted in the middle of their row, her voice dripping with annoyance.

"No, I'm talking about Tuldus's guys," Wera said, as if there was nothing as simple in the whole world.

"Yeah, my band members," Lollo said.

Wera looked like question mark for a moment, but found her words and said; "Well, technically Linus is only _one_ person, which means you can't say band _members_, you have to say band _member_."

Lollo rolled her eyes and slapped her hand on her forehead. "I was talking about both Linus _and_ Puff!"

"Aaah!" Wera said.

Lollo shook her head. "Oh my god..."

"Hey, guys," Natta said from her silent corner. "It's over two am."

"Wow," said the others simultaneously. They looked out the window, and notice that the mighty northern sun had just set.

"We could run around the house to wake up a bit," Wera suggested and rose from the worn out sofa.

"Oh, come on!" Manda groaned.

"That sounds like a great idea!" Tuldus said and joined Wera.

The others dragged themselves up from their seats and walked out to the glass door Wera and Tuldus had just walked out of. The five fifteen-year-olds ran around the field, laughing and shouted. Once again, they became children.

After a while, they all collapsed on the ground, laughing and exhausted. There they lay for a while, listening to the sound of their own breathing and nature's melodies. After a moment of silence, Tuldus yawned.

"I'm too tired to go back inside," she said. "It's comfortable out here, anyway. I can sleep without a cover."

"Yeah, let's sleep outside!" Lollo said with enthusiasm.

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm getting a cover," Natta said and rose.

"Get one for me as well!" Lollo said.

"And me!" Wera said.

"Me too!" Manda said.

"Alright, get one for me too," Tuldus said.

"_You all want covers_?" Natta shouted from inside the house.

"Yes!" the four remaining girls replied.

A short while after, Natta returned with the covers. She threw them onto the others and took one for herself. When they were all tucked down on the grass, there was a moment of silence. They could hear the distant laughs from the party on the other side of the lake, and the birds sang their songs in the forest.

"Hey guys, what if we ended up at Hogwarts?" Tuldus asked dreamily. "How cool wouldn't that be?"

"Well, if we ended up there, I would definitely violate all the hot guys," Wera said.

"Yeah, you and me, Wera!" Manda said.

"Poor guys," Lollo said sympathisingly.

"So, how would we get there?" Natta asked.

"Well, we'll fly…" Tuldus said.

"Yeah, one can always dream," Lollo sighed.

They all lay there and chatted about what they would do if they ever ended up at Hogwarts, until they finally fell asleep. And there the five teenagers were, sleeping soundly, unaware of the brutally waking that awaited them.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Right, well.. here's chapter one. And yeees, the names are very Swedish.

**Pronounciation:**

_Lollo_ (Lulu)

_Manda_ (like "panda", but with an M)

_Natta_ (kind of like "nada")

_Tuldus_ (Tulle-does)

_Wera_ (pronouced with a V, even though it's spelled with a W)

Enjoy!

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><p><em><strong>Puff – the Pathetic Parody<strong>_

**Chapter One**_  
>Rocks and reflexes<em>

In the calm and quiet morning, one could hear Wera running around, screaming and shouting maniacally. Tuldus was snatched out of her sleep by this, and realised in her complete morning-confusion that she was lying upside-down with her head on the floor in the backseat of an unknown car. In confusion and a bit of panic, she tried to rise, but hit her head in the back of the driver's seat which was lowered right above her. On this seat, Lollo was lying, and she woke up by the muffled bang.

"What the…?" Lollo groaned and squinted with her eyes. She didn't notice that she was actually sitting in a car, so she put her feet down from the steering wheel and straightened herself to a sitting position. She leaned her chin against the wheel and looked out the windscreen. To her surprise, she saw Wera running back and forth, screaming and shouting. All of a sudden, Wera was running straight towards her with panic all over her face. She rammed the car door next to Lollo with her hands and her face smashed against the window. Lollo jumped surprised over to the passanger's seat. By this brutal waking, she suddenly realised that she was actually sitting in an unknown car. In pure terror, she opened the door and threw herself out of the car. "Wera!" she shouted, panicked. Wera ran up to her, just as panicked. Lollo grabbed her shoulders and shook her. "Hat's whappening?"

"What?" Wera asked confused.

"I mean 'what's happening'," Lollo said and shook her head.

"Ahaaa!" Wera said with a yes-I-know-I'm-stupid-tone. "Well, I was there… and then… and now… and I… and then…" And then she fell to the ground.

Lollo's panic was vanished, and she looked down on Wera with a raised eyebrow. Wera bounced back up to her feet and brushed the dirt off of her.

"You were saying?" she asked, perfectly normal.

"I was asking what was happening," Lollo replied, still with a raised eyebrow.

"Well," Wera said, "I woke up in an unknown car." She looked at Lollo and shrugged her shoulders.

"But," Lollo said, "where are the others?"

"Natta and Tuldus are asleep in the backseat," Wera said.

"What about Manda?"

"She was snoring, so I put her in the boot."

Lollo shook her head. "Why doesn't that surprise me?" she muttered. "Why were you yelling?"

Wera didn't answer this, but started to wander around. "Did you notice the giant castle over there?"

"Wera, could we please focus on this subject?" Lollo asked annoyed. "Where are we?"

"No, I'm serious!" Wera continued. "It's a huge castle over there! Look!"

Lollo sighed frustrated and looked where Wera was pointing. To her devastation she realised that Wera was actually right; up on a hill there was a huge and majestic stone castle. One the one side of the hill, there was a lake, and on the other, there was a forest. In the middle, there were huge green plains.

"So…" Lollo asked, "what do we do now?" Right at that moment, they were joined by Natta and Tuldus.

"Where are we?" Natta asked.

"Wow, it's so beautiful here!" Tuldus gasped.

"We don't know where we are yet," Lollo said. "Let's go back to the car."

When they returned to the car, they could hear dull banging and shouting.

"What's that noise?" Wera asked.

Lollo raised one eyebrow. "Well, could it be your best friend you put in the boot, or am I completely fumbling in the dark here?" Her sarcasm could be recognised miles away. Unfortunately, Wera was beyond those miles.

"What?" she gasped. "Manda's in the boot?"

"Wera, how many hours of sleep did you get last night?" Lollo asked.

"Hey guys," Natta said, "maybe we should let her out?" The dull banging had become more frenetic and desperate. "At least it seems like she'd like that…"

Tuldus hurried to open the boot of the car.

"What took you so long?" Manda spat in her usual cheerful morning mood.

"Well, I'm sorry," Tuldus snorted, "but I wasn't the one who put you there! Wera was!"

"Wera!" Manda growled. But Wera didn't answer, because she, Lollo and Natta were all looked up towards the big castle. Manda and Tuldus joined the trio to enjoy the view.

"Wow," Manda gasped. "Where are we?"

"We don't know," Lollo said.

Suddenly, a big, fluffy head appeared behind a small hill.

"Hey, look!" Lollo said. "People! Come, let's say hi and we'll ask him where we are!" Lollo took a step forwards, but the sudden silence behind her worried her a bit. She turned and saw that the other four had all run back to the car in pure terror. "Wait for me!" she shouted and followed. They hid behind the car and watched how the head grew. All of a sudden, the head became a man. But, the man wasn't a man; it was a giant. Close to three feet tall and four feet wide, if the teenagers could measure themselves. Behind him, there was a whole group of teenagers in their own age. They came closer and closer. Wera was at the far end and looked over the hood. The other sat crouched behind the full body of the car. But, the closer the group came, the more Wera mover back towards the others, and almost pushed Lollo out on the other side.

"Stop pushing!" Lollo hissed, but Wera didn't listen. "_Stop it_!" This resolved in a fight where Lollo pushed to the one side and Wera pushed to the other. But, Lollo was stronger. However, the real pain was caused to the poor three in the middle. Wera was pushed out with a shrill yell and clashed into a group of four boys. One of them, a blond, jumped aside so that Wera bounced against the well-fed belly of one of the other three boys. With a small groan, she fell to the ground.

"Ouch," she said shortly and bitterly with her eyes closed. "That rock was _not_ there last time I checked!" She squinted with her one eyed, afraid of being dazzled by the sun, but was horrified when she saw a large boy leaning over her with a stupid look. Like a rubber ball, she bounced back up. She fixed her pink nightgown and her elegantly curly, dark brown hair and then folded her arms. She eyed the large boy, who wasn't much taller than herself, and then a scornful smirk spread across her lips. "Oh, was it just you?" She laughed and shook her head. "Well, that explains things." She turned, but was surprised as she faced a rather broad chest. "What the…?" she said and looked up. She met a pair of cold, grey eyes. The blond boy that had jumped aside looked down upon her in disdain.

She frowned and said; "Well, I bet it would have hurt to land in your face." She then rose to her toes and spoke just as loudly as if she had been speaking to a deaf, old man, just to be sure the boy heard her last, and most meaningful word; "Rocky." She gave him a light pat on the shoulder before she turned her back on him. She brought her hands together and looked at the others with an iffy smile. "So," she said. "Could anyone tell me where I am?" At that moment, someone grabbed her by the shoulder and spun her around. It was the blonde boy again. His cold eyes were even colder, and it gave Wera an uncomfortable feeling she did not like. "Excuse me, but I wasn't talking to you," she said nonchalantly. "Rocky," she added and wiggled her eyelashes before she turned again. This time, she didn't make it all around until the hand on her shoulder once again guided her back. The cold eyes were now freezing.

"Do you have _any_ idea of who I am?" he growled lowly.

"No," Wera said thoughtfully, "but if I were to describe you, I would say that you were a tall, blonde, overly aggressive bloke who's apparently on… steroids, or whatever, and puts his nose where it doesn't belong." She gave him a nonchalant grimace and raised an eyebrow. "Was there anything else, or can I go back to those I was actually _talking_ to?"

The blonde boy stood silent for a while as he eyed her. Then a bit shorter, black-haired boy with a cheeky smile leaned into him and whispered something into his ear. A smirk spread upon the blonde boy's lips, and he looked down on Wera in triumph.

_What's this?_ Wera thought. _What are they going to do? That smile does not bode well!_ Her eyes flickered between the two boys as she took two uncertain steps backwards, but bumped into another, larger boy. She now noticed that she was surrounded. The blonde boy searched for something inside of his cloak. Wait, _cloak_?

_Oh no_, Wera thought panicked. _He'll draw a knife! He'll draw a knife! _She felt how panic filled her chest, and the hair on her neck was standing. She saw him slowly pull his hand out, in which he held… a stick. She sighed in relief as the corner of her lips curled into a smile. "Oh, how adorable! You don't have your own, so you have to walk around with a _stick_!"

The boys exchanged surprised and confused looks. The blond one then raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"You're not going to rape me with that, are you?" Wera asked sceptically. "I mean, I've seen a movie where a girl gets raped by a tree, and I can assure you that it's not pretty. Not that that stick is a _tree_, but it's a part of one. I'm not taking any risks; I could get splintered!"

"You don't know what this is, do you?" he smirked.

"Well, I'm sorry!" she said sarcastically as she clapped her hands together. "Of course it is a wand!" She rolled her eyes and chuckled.

The blonde boy's smirk was replaced by arrogance, and said with a light flick of the "stick"; "Wingardium Leviosa."

"Wing-what?" Wera asked. She was answered by the boys' lowered eyes, and the smirks that were spreading, one by one. She eyed herself, and saw more than expected. Her pink nightgown was gliding upwards. "Oh, shit!" she yelled and quickly pulled it back down. The four boys laughed spitefully while Wera fought the redness on her cheeks. "You bastard!" she barked furiously. She charged and fired a kick towards his groin, but his reflexes was better than she'd expected, and he locked his knees just as he trapped her foot between them, and trapped her.

_Damn it!_ She thought. _It _was_ a wand!_ She blinked. _Hang on… a wand? Did I really say 'a wand'?_

"That was close," the blonde boy growled.

"Not close enough," Wera hissed through gritted teeth.

They looked at each other for a while, and the coldness between them could cover the whole Sahara with ice.

"Why are you wearing a nightgown?" he asked after a while.

"Why are you wearing… whatever you're wearing?" Wera asked back.

"Why, you'd rather see me naked?" he smirked.

"No," Wera said and raised an eyebrow. "I'd rather turn lesbian."

"Turn what?" he asked.

"Whatever," Wera sighed. "Just forget it. Could you… like… unlock your legs now? I mean, _before_ you crush my foot?"

"Well," the blonde boy said as a rather charming smile spread across his lips. "That depends. I might need some… female contact first." He dragged a finger along her tawny shin, and she shivered uncomfortably.

"Hands off, you perv!" she hissed.

When his finger was joined by his hand, she slapped it hard, and he pulled it back. He was just about to say something when a voice boomed over them.

"Mr Malfoy!" it said. "There ye are! I've been lookin' all over fer ya!" When the big man saw the strange position in which the two teenagers were station in, a wide smile spread upon his lips. "Well, maybe I should leave the two of ye—"

"No!" Wera bellowed desperately. "Don't go! Don't leave me! Not with him! Not like… this!"

"Er… Mr Malfoy… maybe ye should release her foot?" the big man said.

"_Should_?" Wera gasped. "You mean 'do it', right?"

"Eh, well, yeah, 'couse," the big man said. It seemed like he was gathering some courage before he said; "Let her go, Malfoy, before I'll take points from Slytherin."

"Hang on…" Wera said. "Points? Slytherin? _Malfoy_? Well, then you have to be Hagrid, right?" She made a gesture with her hand as if that fact was the most obvious thing in the entire world.

"Noooo?" Lollo said sarcastically.

Both Wera and Malfoy turned.

"Hi Lollo!" Wera smiled. "And everybody else…"

"Do you play Quidditch or something?" Malfoy asked and looked at the black-haired Lollo.

She glared at him. "Are you dumb or just plain stupid?"

"He's blonde!" Wera established. "Very blonde! That says it all, don't it?"

Suddenly, there was small sounds of complaint from Tuldus, who had long, angelic blonde hair.

"But Tuldus," Wera said, "you _are_ stupid! But I love you anyway!"

"Okay!" Tuldus said and smiled.

"So, ye were goin' to professor Dumbledore?" Hagrid asked and turned to Lollo and the others.

"Yes," Lollo said. "But I'm bringing all of us." She walked decidedly up to Wera and Malfoy as they stood in that strange position. "Were you planning on holding her foot like that _all_ day?" she asked and looked at the blonde boy.

"What has that got to do with you?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Yeah, that's right, Lollo!" Wera cheered. "Show him your teeth!"

"Well," Lollo said, "how can I explain this? You see, you are standing on the edge of a hill. I am rather heavy. With the right speed, and the right strength, which I guarantee you that I have, you will… well, fall down. This is because of a little something called gravity. And, with a bit of help from my friend, the G-force, you will be crushed. If I jump after you, so to speak. Or, you could simply… let go of Wera's foot. You have a choice."

With a rather confused, yet terrified look, he let Wera go.

Wera sighed in relief. "Thank you, Lollo! You're my hero! Well, heroine!"

Lollo shook her head and looked at Malfoy. "What's the matter? Never heard of something called Physics? And still _I _only have a _C_!"

"Wha' happened with visitin' Dumbledore?" Hagrid suddenly asked.

"We're on our way," Wera said. "Bye, perv!"

"We're not done yet!" he hissed so that only Wera could hear, and her eyes widened. She immediately rejoined her party.

The five friends followed Hagrid towards the big stone castle, called Hogwarts. When they entered the giant oak doors, the whole party stopped.

"Cool," Manda and Wera said together. Tuldus looked more excited. Lollo and Natta were more concentrated on their task. They went up a lot a stairs, and to Manda and Wera, all of the undiscovered hallways were the most fascinating aspect. Finally, they reached the giant Gargoyle guarding the office.

"Citrus fudge," Hagrid said, and the gargoyle stepped aside. They walked up the stars towards the Headmaster's office, but were they truly ready to face whatever awaited them behind those doors?


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Alright, chapter two. I don't have that much to say, really. It's all just.. weird, really :O Anyway, hopefully some of you'll like it :)

Enjoy!_**  
><strong>_

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><p><em><strong>Puff – the Pathetic Parody<strong>_

**Chapter Two**_  
>Sorting Hats are timeless fashion <em>

Once they'd arrived at the top of the stairs, Natta carefully knocked on the doors. A friendly voice invited them. Natta opened the doors, and the girls stepped inside, one by one.

"Welcome," said the old man behind the desk; Albus Dumbledore.

The five teenagers looked utterly confused.

"I suppose the worst of the shock is over by now," Dumbledore continued. "Not long ago, we had another visitor form The Other World."

"Visitor?" Lollo asked.

"Yes," Dumbledore replied. "Last time we had a visitor, it was Joanne Kathleen Rowling. She was here about five years ago."

"Rowling?" Natta asked.

"J.K Rowling?" Manda asked.

"What's with her?" Tuldus asked and looked at Manda.

"Are you kidding me? Come on!" Wera said and looked at Tuldus. "She's the one who wrote the Harry Potter-books!"

"Oh, yeaaah!" Tuldus said in a tone of revelation.

"I knew it was a book she was writing!" Dumbledore muttered to himself. "She always walked around with the notebook."

"_A _book?" Manda gasped. "You do mean _six_ books, right? The seventh and last book will come out soon!"

"Why seven?" Dumbledore asked.

"Because Harry only goes to Hogwarts for seven years!" Tuldus replied.

"No, no," Dumbledore said. "The students go here for nine years."

"No," Wera said, "it's seven years."

"Don't you think I know how many years the education is at my own school?" Dumbledore said.

"But… that's what it says in the books!" Tuldus said.

"And these books are based upon facts?" he asked with a sparkle in his blue eyes.

"No… not really," Tuldus mumbled. "_Well_…"

"So, she came here to gather information," Natta established.

"Yeah, to write a, well, seven books and earn millions," Lollo finished with a sigh of jealousy. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Because you're slow, Lollo," Manda said.

Natta looked into Dumbledore's blue eyes. "How did we get here? What are we doing here? How do we get back?"

"You will probably be here for a while," Dumbledore said, ignoring Natta's questions, "so you might as well be sorted!"

The five girls looked sceptically at each other.

"This is one weird dream," Lollo said and raised a brow.

Dumbledore pulled out a stool and asked Wera to sit. She muttered as she sat down, and soon her head was covered by a way too large hat.

"Who turned off the lights?" she asked.

_Let's see,_ she heard a voice say. _You have potential. You're clever, too. Nevertheless, you don't show it that often. Blimey, it's cold in here! At least depthless cold. You should melt a bit, love! Walking around like that could give you a cold! Well, at least you're not mean. Well… maybe… sometimes… let's see… not clever enough to be in Ravenclaw, so that's a no-no. Not nice enough to be in Hufflepuff, so that's a no-no, too._ Wera snorted. _Neither clever nor mean enough to be in Slytherin. So, I guess there's only one house left. Don't let your so-called "courage" – as I would rather call "stupidity" – go to your head. _

"Gryffindor!" the hat exclaimed.

The other four girls and Dumbledore gave her a warm round of applauds.

"Next," Dumbledore said as Wera had left the stool. Tuldus sat down with a wide smile. Dumbledore placed the hat on her head, and the hat covered her eyes.

_Well, this was simple_, the hat said. _You're very nice and adorable. A bit forgetful, though… but you'll be fine!_

"Hufflepuff!" it exclaimed.

Tuldus bounced up from the stool with a grin. "Oh yeah! I get to wear _yellow_!"

"Next." This time, Lollo sat down on the stool.

_Slytherin is excluded, _the hat said_. You wouldn't last one day with their malice! You would fit in Hufflepuff, if it wasn't for your impeccable sense of business – and you sarcasm… you are brave, but sometimes, you're a real chicken_!

"Gryffindor!"

"Next." Manda's turn.

_Oh dear_, said the hat. _Such an adorable little lass. I can't see you in Slytherin, Ravenclaw or Gryffindor!_

"Hufflepuff!"

"Next." Natta's turn.

_Well, I don't want to meet you in Wizard Chess, I dare say_, said the hat. _There's only one house that can content your bright mind and your worthless humour. _

"Ravenclaw!"

"Well, looks like you've all been sorted," Dumbledore said. "Here are your uniforms." With a simple flick of his wand, five school uniforms lay in front of the girls. "You will be given a mentor each from your house to show you around the school. If you will be so kind as to wait here, I will go and fetch them."

The five girls nodded and sat down on the floor.

"You are going to sit _there_?" Dumbledore asked and raised his brows.

"Yep," Wera said. "Why not?"

"Oh well," Dumbledore said and shrugged. "If you all excuse me, it's time for lunch, and I have to be in the Great Hall. Food with be served to you, of course. When I return, I'll bring your mentors." And with that, he left the five teenagers alone in his office.

"Alright," Natta said and turned to the others, "how do we get out of here?"

"Are you mad?" Lollo gasped. "We're at Hogwarts. _Hogwarts_!"

"As if this really is Hogwarts?" Natta said. "This has to be a joke, or _something_!"

"Who would pull a joke like this?" Manda asked.

"A very convincing joke, yes," Tuldus said. At least she didn't seem to mind.

"Convincing, to say the least," Lollo said and picked up her uniform. "Wicked!"

"Am I really going to have to _wear _that?" Wera gasped and picked up her uniform.

"What's wrong with that?" Lollo asked.

"Oh, come on!" Wera said. "It'll make me look fat!"

"Oh, please," Tuldus sighed.

"Come on," Manda said. "Let's get changed!"

They changed into their robes and realised they actually liked the clothes.

"Look, look!" Tuldus squeaked happily and pointed at her badge. "_Yellow!_"

"I don't look good in yellow!" Manda groaned and looked at her badge.

"Red's nice," Wera said.

"I'd rather wear green, but I guess red's okay," Lollo sighed.

Natta didn't comment upon her badge, but were deep in thoughts. _If this isn't a joke, then what is it? How could it even be possible? _

All of a sudden, Manda gasped loudly. "I'm in the same house as Cedric Diggory!"

"You're so quick-witted, Manda," Wera said sarcastically. "Lollo and I are in the same house as _Harry Potter_!" She said his name with a ridiculously pitchy voice and rolled her eyes.

"Lucky you," Tuldus muttered. "I want to be in the same house as Harry Potter, too!"

"Are you guys even sure he exists?" Lollo asked.

"Dumbledore, Hagrid and Malfoy all exist," Wera said. "So, why not Harry Potter?"

"Well, it's very usual that an author creates the protagonist," Lollo said.

"But this isn't her creation!" Manda said.

"No, but Harry Potter maybe is," Lollo said and shrugged.

They talked, rather loudly, about what might have happened to them and how they could possibly have ended up at Hogwarts. Suddenly, there were voices from outside the door, which opened, and Dumbledore stepped inside, followed by five students. All fell silent.

"Hi!" Wera suddenly shouted in falsetto.

"Hello," Dumbledore smiled. "These are your mentors; Fred and George Weasley, Cedric Diggory, Zacharias Smith and Luna Lovegood. And this is Louise—"

"Lollo."

"Right, Lollo. And this is Miranda—"

"Manda."

"Of course, Manda. And this is Matilda—"

"Tuldus."

"Okay, Tuldus. And this is Nathalie—"

"Natta."

"Yes, Natta. And this is Wera—" He waited for her to interrupt, but there was no such interruption, and the room fell in silence again.

"Yeah," Wera said. "That's it. _Wera_."

"Yes, exactly, Wera." He shook his head in confusion. "Anyways; Wera and Lollo, your mentors will be Fred and George. Manda, yours will be Cedric. Tuldus, your mentor is Zacharias, and Natta, that leaves you to Luna."

"Well, hello," Lollo said and reached her hand out to shake hands with her new mentor, whoever it might be of the two identical twins.

"I'm George," one of them said and shook her hand.

"And I'm Fred," the other one said and shook hands with Wera.

"I'm Wera," she said.

"Cedric is my name," Cedric said and reached his hand out for Manda.

Amazed, she took it and breathed; "Manda."

"Call me Zack," Zacharias said bitterly and glared at Tuldus. "Not Zacharias, not Zachary. Zack."

"Whatever," Tuldus said and shrugged.

"Hi, I'm Luna," Luna said dreamily and looked at Natta.

"Well… hi," Natta said.

"Mentors," Dumbledore said, "you have the responsibility to show these knew students around for a day or two and make sure they go to their classes."

"So, in other words, we're baby-sitters," Zacharias said bitterly.

"Stop being such stuck-up, _Zacharias_," Wera spat.

"Stop being so negative, you two," Cedric said. "Smith, you should be honoured be chosen as mentor!"

"Oh look, aren't you the smooth-talker?" Zacharias spat.

"Why did I end up with _Zacharias Smith_?" Tuldus whispered to Manda. "It's not fair!"

However, Tuldus seemed to be the only one discontent with her mentor. Wera and Lollo couldn't be happier about theirs, and judging by Manda's dreamy looks, she seemed rather content, too. Natta didn't really care that much, but Tuldus was more displeased than the most displeased in the entire world!

"Well, let the sight-seeing begin!" Dumbledore said and nodded.

Without a word, except a loud "bye" from Wera, the ten teenagers left the office and walked towards the endless corridors of the school. These corridors were extremely fascinating for Manda and Wera, since they were undiscovered, waiting for the two of them to discover them all.

The youngsters separated. Fred and George turned right while Cedric and Zacharias turned left. Luna walked straight ahead. The five newcomers followed their mentors into the unknown… known as Hogwarts.


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Tatataa.. no one's commenting. Oh well, maybe the humour is too personal (yees, this is a challenge!)? Anyway, if you're reading and think this is pure sh*t, then plase, tell me :) oh, and if you like it, you're very welcome to say that, too! :D

Enjoy!

* * *

><p><em><strong>Puff – the Pathetic Parody<strong>_

**Chapter Three**_  
>The Breadcrumb Factory has got a new employee<em>

"I'm hungry!" Wera complained when she, Lollo and the Weasley twins returned from their tour of the third floor. She had slacked behind a bit, because Lollo was walking between the twins, discussing different business ideas and money.

"But Fred, you do the math!" Lollo sighed. "If you buy a Gurglehopper for the original price, and then sell it for a higher price, you'll make a profit!"

"Yeah, come on, Fred!" George said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the whole world.

"Yeah," Fred said, "but what if no one wants to pay more than the original price for a Gurglehopper then? If so, then there you are, with loads of Gurglehoppers, but no buyers and you've lost a fortune!"

"_Hello_, we'll make improvements on them, of course!" Lollo said and rolled her eyes.

"Oh…" Fred said.

"Lollo!" Wera cried. "I am hungry!"

"Oh, sorry, I didn't see you," one of the twins said.

"Yeah, you're one hell of a mentor, Fred," Lollo said.

"He's not Fred! I am!"

"Whatever," Lollo sighed.

"I want foooood!" Wera said annoyed.

"Then we'll go to the Great Hall," Fred said and shrugged. "No biggie."

The four teenagers started walking towards the Great Hall. When they reached the doors, they could hear loads of chatter from the other side. George burst the doors open and made a remarkable entrance. He flung his arms out and received a huge round of applauds. Fred joined his brother, and together, they embraced the applauds.

"Let us introduce to you, the new students from the Other World!" Fred exclaimed and pointed at Wera and Lollo.

Slowly, the two girls entered the hall, and the whole room fell in silence. Wera walked closer to Lollo with worry in her eyes. She eyed the crowd and became all of a sudden all crazy.

"Lollo! Lollo!" she hissed to her. "I'm not hungry anymore!"

"Why not?" Lollo asked and looked at Wera with a raised brow. She, too, eyed the crowd, and figured out what was scaring Wera; Draco Malfoy. Lollo rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Come on!" She pulled a very resisting Wera along to the Gryffindor table. Lollo sat down next to the twins while Wera looked cautiously around. She sat down carefully and seemed to be on edge, since she gave a shrill yell when an owl flew over her. Lollo laughed and turned to Fred and George. Wera looked around. All of a sudden, she realised that between all the heads, three table away, she sat eye to eye with Malfoy himself.

_NO!_ Wera thought panicked. _Why does this always happen to me? _She noticed Malfoy smirking at her, and she turned to Lollo. "Lollo, switch seats with me!"

"What?" Lollo asked and raised a brow.

"Switch seats with me!" Wera repeated, and this time a bit more desperately. "Please?"

"Fine," Lollo sighed. So they switched seats. Lollo shook her head and looked around. She then realised why Wera all of a sudden acted so strangely. Her green eyes met a pair of cold, grey eyes. She shook her head once again. "Wera," she said, "you are _pathetic_!"

"But, he's like this mega perv!" Wera whined.

"He's looking at you," Lollo said. "Is that forbidden?"

"Yes!" Wera said. "He's blonde!"

**.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:~*~:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.  
><strong>

Draco Malfoy quickly looked away. _Bloody hell!_ He thought. _What is _she _doing there? She's scary! But… maybe, if I straighten a bit I can… _he slowly straightened, more and more, and finally, he was standing up. Blaise Zabini, who was sitting next to him, looked up. He then tapped a knife on a glass, and the sound chimed throughout the hall.

"Speech! Speech everybody!" he yelled, and every eye in the room turned to Draco.

Slowly, he sank back down to his seat, embarrassed and blushing. Then someone suddenly started applauding wildly; Wera's friend Lollo, and Blaise followed her example. After a while, the whole room was filled with applauds, and Draco glared at Blaise. "You're dead."

"You're welcome, mate," Blaise smiled and kept applauding.

**.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:~*~:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.**

"Lollo," Wera said, "let's go!"

"But I haven't finished!"

"I don't care!" Wera said. "Let's go!"

"I haven't finished," Lollo repeated and remained seated.

"Fine," Wera muttered. "I'll go by myself then!" She crouched down and snuck behind the Gryffindor students until the end of the table. There she straightened herself and walked with quick steps towards the exit. But, all of a sudden she bumped into someone. "Tuldus!" she exclaimed.

"Wera!" Tuldus exclaimed and they hugged.

Wera then turned towards Zacharias and exclaimed "Ermin", purely as a reflex (a habit from the other school). She was just about to hug Zacharias when she realised that it wasn't Ermin, and lowered her arms.

Zacharias looked around, but suddenly lowered his eyes in horror.

Wera didn't understand why he did that, so she looked down, too. To her surprise she saw that the boy was wearing Converse.

"Cool!" she said. "I've got Converse, too!" She put her leg out, so her whole shin and a bit of her thigh were exposed.

**.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:~*~:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.**

Draco watched the whole scene from the Slytherin table. When he realised that Wera just exposed her entire shin, plus a bit of her thigh, to Zacharias Smith, a flame was lit inside of him. A flame of jealousy and hatred. From far, far away, he could hear Blaise's voice call out for him.

"Dude!" he said. "Are you making breadcrumbs, or what?"

Draco looked down into his palm where he held a piece of toast. Well, where he _had_ held a piece of toast. Now, it was only breadcrumbs left. Draco kept his focus on the hand full of crumbs as Blaise leaned backwards to see the reason for Draco's unreasonable behaviour. He then leaned back, smirking.

"Nice spars," he teased and shot and elbow at Draco's side.

Draco glared at him and whispered threateningly; "one more word and you won't be able to say _any_ more words! _Ever_!"

"Alright, alright!" Blaise said. "Calm down!" Then a light blasted off in his head, and he elbowed Draco again. "You like her! It's sooo obvious!" Without warning, Blaise received a hard blow to the back of his head, and fell down onto the plate. "Ouch!"

"I warned you," Draco growled.

"Did you really have to hit me that hard?" Blaise whined from the plate. "Ha! I can still talk!" He laughed tauntingly and lifted his head. Draco sighed and threw a slice of bacon towards him, but Blaise ducked – fast as he was – and the slice ended up in Pansy Parkinson's pug-like face.

"It was him!" Blaise exclaimed and pointed at Draco. Before anyone had even had the time to blink, Blaise was out of the Great Hall. Only his scornful laugh could be heard after him. Draco sighed and rose to follow him. He knew where Blaise was going anyway. When he passed Wera by the exit, they exchanged cold looks.

**.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:~*~:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.**

"He's creepy," Wera muttered.

"Who is?" Tuldus asked.

"Malfoy!" Wera replied.

Lollo had joined the two and was now looking at Wera with raised eyebrows. "Wera, you are _pathetic_! Anyway, how've you been, Tuldus?"

"Not good!" she muttered. "You'll never guess what I've been through!"

**TULDUS'S TALE:**

_Tuldus followed Zacharias with slow steps. Apparently, he wasn't much for tours. _

"_There's that, and there's that," he said dully while he pointed in different directions._

_Tuldus had some troubles following and finally stopped._

"_Why are you standing there for?" Zacharias asked. "The Great Hall is _that_ way!" _

"_I can't stand you anymore!" Tuldus cried. "You are the worst mentor I've ever had! Well, I've only had one before you, and she wasn't even in my own age… but still!" She folded her arms and glared at Zacharias._

"_Well, why don't you go then?" he said. "I can't stand you either. You're too young for me, shortie."_

"_When is your birthday, then?" Tuldus asked._

"_Sixth of April," Zacharias replied. "Why?"_

"_HA!" Tuldus barked. "I'm older than you, shooortie!" _

"_So? I'm—I'm a wizard! You're not!" Zacharias said. _

"_Nooo?" Tuldus said sarcastically. "I'm a girl! It would have been a bit weird if I was a wizard, now wouldn't it? Whatever, I'm a witch, sort of… otherwise I wouldn't be here!" _

"_But wizards are better!" Zacharias cried, losing his temper._

_Tuldus gasped loudly. "Discrimination!"_

"_Why are you shouting?" a boy suddenly asked. _

"_Get lost, Longbottom!" Zacharias spat. _

"_Longbottom?" Tuldus asked, and the boy nodded. "Neville Longbottom?" Tuldus asked again, and once again, the boy nodded. "Hi!" Tuldus cried. "How nice to see you! So you _do_ exist!" _

"_Ehm, hi," Neville said. "Why wouldn't I exist?"_

"_Well, for a start, you're here for nine years instead of seven, so…" Tuldus said._

"_What?" Neville looked at Tuldus in incomprehension. "What are you talking about? Who are you?"_

"_My name is Matilda Kira," Tuldus said and reached her hand out. _

"_Neville Longbottom," Neville said, and they shook hands._

"_Well, this was cute – or not!" Zacharias said bitterly. "Come on, let's go." _

"_But I want to talk to Neville!" Tuldus said._

"_And I want food!" Zacharias said. "Come on!" He grabbed her sleeve and pulled her along as he walked away. _

"_Bye bye, Neville!" Tuldus cries and waved her hand. Once down in the Great Hall, Tuldus was suddenly attacked by the entrance…_

"…and here I am!" Tuldus said and looked at Wera and Lollo. "So, how was your day?"

"You don't wanna know," Lollo said and shook her head. "You don't wanna know."


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N:** No reviews so far.. is it really that bad? X'D Oh well. I'll keep updating for my own entertainment, then ;) Anyways, for those who are reading, here's chapter four, and yes, it's just as kooky as the other chapters.. :O :)

Enjoy!

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><p><em><strong>Puff – the Pathetic Parody<strong>_

**Chapter Four**_  
>Love is in the air and Ice Age is on<em>

Natta followed Luna as they walked through the castle. They were now on the way up to the Ravenclaw tower. When they had arrived, the door spoke with a musical voice; "_What has got four legs when the sun is up, but as the sun sets, there are six?_"

"What is you guess, Natta?" Luna asked.

"Well…" Natta said. "I don't know. The bed?"

"_Quick thinking_," said the voice and the door swung open.

"So, now we're here," Luna said. "What do you want to see now? The Forbidden Forest?"

"Well," Natta said, "we've just arrived. Why don't you show me around a bit in here?"

"What a fantastic idea!" Luna said. She showed Natta the different armchairs, the different views in the different windows, the fireplace and some more. "Should we go down and eat?"

"Sure," Natta said, and then they left the common room to walk down towards the Great Hall.

"How is it…" Luna asked.

"Oh, it's just—"

"…in the Other World?"

Natta raised her brows. "Well, it's… good, I guess."

"What do you do in a Muggle school?"

"Oh, you know, a bit of everything," Natta said. "Math, Swedish, English, science… a bit of that."

"Oh," Luna said. "What's science?"

Natta raised an eyebrow. "Well, it's… science. You know, Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, gravity… _Frankenstein_!"

"Oh, cool!" Luna smiled. "So you are all like electrified zombies?"

"Well… no, not really," Natta said. "Well… sort of, maybe; we study and do tests. That's about it."

"Oh… then it's not that cool," Luna sighed. "I would like to go to a Muggle school."

"Why?" Natta chuckled. "It's horrible! French, social studies, science, gym class… the bare thought of it makes me shiver!"

"By pleasure, I presume?" Luna said.

"No," Natta said shortly and shook her head. When they were at the entrance, Natta was attacked by Manda.

"Natta!" she shouted. "I've had the best day ever!"

"Yeah?" Natta asked. "How come?"

"Oh, I'll tell you…"

**MANDA'S TALE:**

"_So, what do you want to see next?" Cedric asked politely and looked at Manda._

"_It doesn't matter," she said quietly. "You decide." She smiled nervously. _

"_Alright, then I'll show you the grounds," Cedric said and started to walk towards the great oak doors, and Manda followed. Once they'd left the building, Cedric introduced the different parts to Manda, but she didn't look, because her eyes were only set for one thing; Cedric._

"…_and over there, if the rumours are right, is where you were found." He pointed towards the car that was placed at the mouth of the Forbidden Forest. "Is it true?"_

"_What? Oh, yeah, sure," Manda said. "Or whatever…" _

_Cedric looked at her. "What, you don't remember?"_

"_Of course I do!" Manda hurried to say. "But… well, I spent most of the time in the boot of the car."_

"_The boot?" he asked and raised his brows. "What were you doing in the boot?"_

"_Sleeping…?" Manda said with a shrill laugh. _

"_And why sleep in the boot, if I may ask?" Cedric smiled. _

"_Well… I don't know," Manda lied. Of course she couldn't tell him that she was snoring! That would be like the end of the world! _

"_Where do you really come from?" Cedric asked and sat down on the grass. _

_Manda joined him. "Sweden," she replied. "I live in a small village in the north. Sollefteå, if you've ever… heard of it…" _

"_Sollefteå…" Cedric mumbled. "No, sorry, I haven't." _

"_Well, you're not the only one," Manda said bitterly. _

"_How old are you?" _

"_Fifteen," Manda said. "And you?"_

"_Eighteen," Cedric replied. "And what is your surname?" _

"_Strömquist," Manda smiled. "And you?"_

"_Digg—"_

"_Oh, wait, I already know that! I'm sorry…"_

"_It's alright," Cedric said. He then looked out over Black Lake._

_Manda observed him carefully. _Oh, he's so handsome! _She thought while she was observing him. _Look at those eyes! What a handsome nose! Stunning body! Gorgeous hair! He's so handsome! He may even be more handsome than Puff! Well… maybe not…

"_Perhaps we should go inside?" Cedric asked and looked at her. "I'm starting to get a bit hungry."_

"_Me too," Manda smiled, and together they walked back up towards the castle._

"Do you have any idea of how romantic that was?" Manda squeaked. "Where's Wera? I need to talk to Wera! Have you seen Wera?"

"No," Natta said. "I haven't seen her since we split up."

"Damn it," Manda muttered. Then she lighted up again. "Well, I'm off to find her. Bye!"

"She's a jolly girl, that one," Luna said dreamily and entered the Great Hall.

Natta just shook her head and followed.

**.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:~*~:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.**

"So, what are we doing now?" Wera asked and looked at her mentor.

"I don't know about you, but George and I are off to class," Fred said.

"But, what about us?" Lollo asked. "Are you going to diss us just like that?"

Wera gasped angrily. "Nobody disses Wera! Wera disses everybody!" She then took three steps away with her nose in the air.

"Okay…" George said and raised an eyebrow while he observed Wera. "You have classes too, you know."

"What?" Wera roared. "You're kidding?"

"Well, this is actually a school," Fred said.

"And since when did you start to care about that?" Lollo asked and raised her brows.

"What? We have to be good role models!" George said. "You do what we say, not what we do!"

"Oooh!" Wera growled. "I don't like this!"

"Where are we going, then?" Lollo asked.

The twins exchanged curious looks and grins spread across their identical faces.

"Right," George said and pulled out a piece of parchment and a pencil. "You're going here, here, here, here, then over there, then turn left, then down the stairs, and up that other stair, turn right, here, here and then you're there."

"I think I followed," Wera said uncertainly and looked down on the very… complex map George had just scribbled down.

"Good!" Fred said. "See you later, then!" And with that, the twins were gone.

"Lollo!" Wera whined. "I don't want to go that far!"

Lollo raised a brow and looked at Wera. "How could you possibly have fallen for that? They tricked us, Wera!"

"Oooh!" Wera whined, and her shrill voice echoed through the hall. "So now we don't know where we're going?"

"Nope," Lollo said. "I suppose it's time for us to go looking." The two fifteen-year-old then walked away, in their seemingly impossible search for their classroom.

**THIRTY MINUTES LATER**

The students of the fifth year at Hogwarts were all sitting quiet, listening to Professor Snape as he was informing them about the Tyfillis serum the students were ordered to brew. Snape's monotonic voice echoed throughout the room, and the only reply his dull voice received was the scribbling of feather pens, diligently noting whatever the professor said. Suddenly, there were running steps outside of the room, and the door burst open.

"Lollo!" a brown-haired girl shouted breathlessly. "I—found—them!"

"Yay!" another girl shouted, who shortly joined her friend, and together they entered the hall, all eyes set upon them. "Sorry—we're late!" The black-haired girl looked at Snape. "We—didn't know—where—to go!"

"Sit," Snape growled.

"What are the magic words?" Wera asked and crossed her arms.

"_Ectum Sitana_," Snape growled again and pointed at Wera with his wand.

She immediately sat down on a chair between Manda and Lollo in the back of the classroom. "I didn't mean it literally!" she muttered.

"What did you mean, then?" Manda asked and looked at Wera.

"You know, 'please'!" Wera said.

"Ah," Manda said.

"Miss Wimmergren, pair up with Miss Strömquist, and Miss Petersson, pair up with Miss Näsström," Snape said coldly. "And since you were late; ten points from Gryffindor. Each."

Time flew, and the class closed in to its last hour.

"Manda, imagine an evening at your place with popcorn, candy, Super Mario and Coca Cola!" Wera said and sighed dreamily.

"Coke," the both girls sighed.

Suddenly, Wera gasped. "You think we could make coke here?"

"Don't know," Manda said. "We could always try!"

"Mr Longbottom," Snape said loudly, and poor Neville, paired up with Tuldus, looked up at the professor with frightening eyes. "You serum is still green. It should have been that two hours ago."

Wera quickly brought two carrots from the desk to her mouth, as the teeth of a sable-toothed tiger. "It's still green; they headed north two hours ago."

The other four girls burst into hysterical laughter. Lollo pounded Wera on her back so that she spit out the two carrots just as Snape turned to them, and they hit him directly in the face. He glowered furiously at Wera with his cold, black eyes.

"You have beautiful eyes," Wera said shrilly.

"Detention to all of you!" Snape roared and pointed at the five girls.

Their laughs were suddenly replaced by surprised gasps. But then Lollo started to giggle again.

"Instead of Manny the Moody Mammoth; Snape the Snivelling Snivellus!" She laughed hard and elbowed Wera, who also started to laugh.

Another one in the class had also started to laugh; Blaise Zabini. He laughed violently while he elbowed Draco Malfoy. "You get it?" he gasped between the laughs.

Snape furiously turned to the two boys. "Detention for you, too!"

"But I didn't do anything!" Draco gasped.

This led to the laughter of three others; Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. Snape turned to them, just as furious. "Detention! There, I'm content. Now, get out of my sight before I put anyone else in detention!"

"Ladies first!" Wera exclaimed, and she was out of the classroom, followed by her four, somewhat odd friends, quicker than anyone could say Quidditch.


	6. Chapter 5

__**A/N:** WOHOO! The first review is here! :D From _Random Potter Fan_, totally awestome! Anyway, here's chapter five. No, it doesn't get any more normal than this. Get used to it.

Enjoy!

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><p><em><strong>Puff – the Pathetic Parody<strong>_

**Chapter Five**_  
>Hide and seek, bitch and geek<em>

"Why is _he_ coming?" Wera roared as they wandered down towards the Great Hall to eat dinner.

"Because he laughed with us," Manda said.

"No, that was the other one, that Blaise bloke," Lollo said.

"Exactly!" Wera roared even louder. "Unfair!"

"Yeah, but in the end, a whole bunch will have detention, so the risk is rather small that you will end up with him," Natta said.

"Do you always have to be so logical?" Wera whined.

"Ravenclaw," Natta said and shrugged.

"Whatever," Wera muttered.

"Neville is wonderful!" Tuldus sighed dreamily.

"I thought Linus was on the top of your list?" Lollo asked.

"No, I think I'll go with Neville now," Tuldus said.

"You're dissing my band member?" Lollo gasped.

"Yep," Wera said.

"I wasn't talking to you."

"So? I still diss him," Wera said and shrugged.

The five teenagers walked into the Great Hall and sat down by their tables, except for Wera, who sat down with Tuldus and Manda and the rest of the Hufflepuffs.

**.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:~*~:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.**

Wera, Tuldus and Manda were all talking about nothing while they were eating. Well, Wera and Manda were talking, and Tuldus were thinking.

"Did you notice that—" Tuldus said, but couldn't interrupt them in their wild discussion about boys. "Hello?" she tried, but no reaction. She raised her voice. "Did you notice that Hufflepuff ends with—"

"Ha ha, did you notice that Hufflepuff ends with puff?" Wera laughed, ignoring poor Tuldus. "Puff! Get it?" She laughed as she elbowed Manda.

"Puff…" Manda said dreamily. "Puff, puff, puff, puff, puff…"

Wera rolled her eyes and turned to Tuldus. "You were saying?"

"Nevermind," Tuldus said and shook her head.

"Fine," Wera said. "Don't tell me. See if I care."

**.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:~*~:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.**

When the five teenagers were done eating, they met outside the Great Hall.

"So," Natta said. "What do we do now? I mean, it's a whole hour left until detention, which I _didn't_ deserve." She glared at Wera who looked innocent.

"What?" she exclaimed. "What did I do?"

"'You have beautiful eyes'," Manda said, imitation Wera from earlier.

"What? If fitted!" Wera cried. "Don't blame me! I have to put up with an overaggressive, extremely egoistic and arrogant loser for a whole evening!"

"Wera, you've found your soul mate," Lollo smiled and elbowed her.

"What do you mean by that?" Wera asked darkly.

"Never mind," Lollo sighed.

"Guys, seriously now," Natta sighed. "What are we doing?"

"We could play hide and seek!" Tuldus exclaimed happily.

The others looked at her with sceptically eyes.

"Hide and seek?" Manda asked and raised her brows. "Oh, come on!"

"Yeah, yeah, that sounds great," Wera said and waved her hand. "I'll count!"

"Well then, let's start at the library," Natta said, "so we at least know where to begin!"

And so they walked towards the library. Once outside, Wera turned and leaned against the wall. "Are you ready? ONE – TWO – THREE…"

The other four rushed off into the castle, not really knowing where they were heading.

**.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:~*~:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.**

"But seriously!" Blaise cried. "James Bond has to be the coolest bloke in the whole bloody universe!"

"I can't even comprehend the fact that I am best friends with someone who watches Muggle _shit_!" Draco muttered.

"What are you calling 'Muggle shit'?" Blaise asked, rather upset. "James Bond changed my life!"

"Yeah, to everything but to the better," Draco muttered quietly as they took a turn towards the library. "What book were you looking for again?"

"_10_ _000 Potions and Brews to Make You Smarter_", Blaise said.

"Blaise, it doesn't matter how many potions or brews you drink," Draco said. "You'll always be stupid."

"I love you too," Blaise smiled.

"_FIFTY-THREE – FIFTY-FOUR – FIFTY-FIVE_…" the two boys heard from the library entrance.

"Hey, look!" Blaise said and pointed. "It's that girl with the nice spars!" Then he knitted his brows. "But… what is she doing?"

"Probably something stupid," Draco said darkly. He then straightened, so that he looked slightly taller.

"Wow," Blaise said and looked up at him. "I will always look up to you!"

"And I will always look down on you, Blaise," Draco said and dragged a hand through his hair.

They passed the entrance to the library, and Wera too, as she counted loudly. Draco stopped a couple of steps inside and waited to Blaise as he ran back and forth while looking for that book in the shelves.

"Where is it?" Blaise cried and looked at Draco.

Draco sighed and pointed right.

"Oh, would you look at that?" Blaise smiled and picked up the book that had been lying completely alone and exposed on a table. "Found it!" He held the book up in triumph.

"Yeah, yeah, let's go," Draco said impatiently. "It reeks too much Granger in here." When they left the library, Wera was still counting.

"EIGHTY-FIVE – EIGHTY-SIX – EIGHTY-SEVEN… oh, whatever. A HUNDRED!" she shouted as she waved her arms. "Here I come!" She opened her eyes, and the person she saw was Draco. "Got it?" she laughed. "'Here I _come_'!" She laughed loudly as she walked away from them.

Draco followed her with his eyes, and raised his eyebrows. "She's thinking about things like _that_?"

"Things like what?" Blaise asked. "What did she mean?"

Draco looked at Blaise and raised a brow. "Blaise, have you never… you know, 'cum'? Are you a virgin?"

Blaise gasped loudly. "You can't ask things like that! That's private!"

"Blaise, you're _so_ gay."

"I am _not_!"

**.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:~*~:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.**

Manda stood hidden behind a tapestry on the third floor. She hummed quietly to herself and wiggled her toes that were sticking out from underneath the tapestry.

_Why isn't she here?_ She thought while humming. _Is she lost?_ _Wouldn't surprise me._

At this moment, Cedric came walking down a stair. He spotted the wiggling toes and raised his brows. He then walked up to the tapestry but hesitated a bit before lifting the veil. He met a pair of huge, blue eyes he knew belonged to Manda.

Manda was afraid to speak, since it might come out as either a whisper or a shriek. But nevertheless, she simply had to open her mouth. "Hi!" she shrieked, loud as ever, and made Cedric draw back.

"Hello to you, too," he said a bit uncomfortably. "What are you doing behind the tapestry?"

_Alright_, Manda thought. _This is your chance of saying something clever!_ She tried to say something good when she opened her mouth, but she regretted that she even had the thought. "I'm playing!" That was the only thing she could manage to say. Well, yell...

"Okay," Cedric said sceptically, and a bit intimidated. "Don't let me interrupt." He then turned and walked away, rather quickly, after giving her a very curious look.

_But… but…_ Manda thought discouraged. "Damn it!" she muttered. She then started to wander towards the library, looking for Wera.

**.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:~*~:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.**

Wera sat on the floor in the corridor right outside the library and scanned though the Daily Prophet. And not one single comic! She thought sourly. They should just… drop this bloody paper! And that was exactly what she did. Well, she didn't exactly drop it. She threw it across the corridor, and then she sighed loudly. To go looking for her friends had already left her mind. That would be far too exhausting. Then she heard lonely steps. She looked up and met Natta's piercing, blue gaze.

"Weren't you supposed to go looking for us?" she asked.

"Well, that's what I'm doing, isn't it?" Wera said. "Found you!"

"Why I am not surprised?" Natta sighed and sat down next to Wera.

Then there were more steps. This time, it was Manda that came half running through the hall.

"Weren't you going to look for the others?" she asked and looked at Wera.

"Bah, never!" Wera said. "Want to go for a round and see if we find any hot guys?"

"Cedric!" Manda squeaked.

"Except for Cedric," Wera muttered.

And so they left the hall together while Manda was sharing with Wera, rather loudly, her story about her "romantic" meeting with Cedric Diggory – something that was later called _Behind the Tapestry._

Natta sighed and drew her wand. "_Accio _paper," she said and aimed the wand toward the paper on the opposite side of the corridor, which then came hurling through the air, and she felt rather pleased with herself.

**FIFTEEN MINUTES BEFORE DETENTION**

"Woops," Wera said. "It's only fifteen minutes left. Maybe we should go?"

"Alright," Manda said, and together the two girls walked down towards Hagrid's hut, where the detention was being held. "What if Hagrid is like… the biggest pedo ever?"

"Great," Wera spat. "So, now I have to put up with a perv _and _a pedo. And then _you _on top of it all!"

Manda gasped loudly. "Don't diss me!"

"I diss whoever I want," Wera said.

"Hey, guys! Wait up!" Lollo came running after them.

"Hey, look!" Wera said. "Found you! So, then it's just Tuldus left, then. Oh well, she'll show up eventually. She wouldn't miss detention."

"Ha ha," Lollo smirked. "Well Wera, aren't you happy that your daaarling will be there?"

Wera gasped and put her hands over her heart. "The Phantom of the Opera?"

Lollo sighed and rolled her eyes. "Wera, wrong movie."

"What movie are you talking about, then?" Wera asked. "Star Wars?"

"Oh!" Manda gasped. "Anakin!"

"No, I was talking about Draco Malfoy," Lollo said and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh no!" Wera whined. "Lollo, did you have to go and ruin my nice moment?"

"Any time, darling, any time," Lollo grinned. They walked the rest of the way down. Once they arrived, they found Natta. But no Tuldus.

"She's so stupid, she's probably still waiting for me to find her," Wera said.

"Well, actually, that _was_ what you were supposed to do," Lollo said.

"I know that!" Wera said. "Where were you, by the way?"

"Asleep in the common room," Lollo said and shrugged.

At that moment, Tuldus came running after them. She had cobweb in her hair, her clothes were all dusty and her glasses were tilting.

"Where have you been?" Manda asked.

"Waiting for Wera to find me!" Tuldus growled.

"Told yah!" Wera said triumphantly.

"You _knew?_!" Tuldus gasped. "You knew and _still_ didn't go and look for me?"

"Yeah," Wera shrugged.

"You know, sometimes you're a real bitch!" Tuldus growled and fixed her glasses.

"Geek," Wera spat back.

"Alrighty then!" Hagrid's voice boomed over them. "Looks like yer all here. Not that I get how that many of ye could get detention at the same time, but I guess it'll all work out fine in the end. Today we're patrollin' the forest, in pairs. The animals have been actin' a bit weird, and we're makin' sure they're all fine."

"In pairs?" Wera squealed horrified.

"Yep," Hagrid said. "Ron and Hermione, why don't the two of ye go together. Harry, ye're with Miss Näsström. Miss Kira and Miss Strömquist could join each other."

_Let me go with Blaise!_ Wera thought frenetically. _Let me go with Blaise! Let me go with Blaise! Let me—_

"Miss Wimmergren, ye could need a big bloke like Mr Malfoy to protect ye," Hagrid said and chuckled. "And that leaves Miss Petersson to Mr Zabini, then."

Wera gasped. "Lollo!" she squealed. "He's following me! I bet he has… brain manipulated Hagrid, or something, so that he would pair us up!"

"Wera," Lollo sighed, "you _aaaare_ pathetic!"

"What?" Wera said. "Never heard of the Imperio-curse?"

"Yeah, like _Malfoy _could cast an Imperio-curse over _Hagrid_?" Lollo asked and raised an eyebrow.

"Well, Hagrid's stupid and Malfoy's creepy!" Wera said.

"Why don't you run along to your little darling now?" Lollo teased. "He's waiting for you! Oh, but be careful! He might jump you in the woods. Maybe he'll rape you with a stick. You know, there are plenty of _large trees_ in there…"

**.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:~*~:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.**

"I knew it," Draco said smugly.

"Draco," Blaise squealed. "I don't want to go with Lollo! She's scary!"

"What's wrong with her?" Draco asked.

"She's got black hair!"

"So do you!"

"But she's got… black nails!" Blaise said. "And she's black around her eyes!"

"You're pathetic," Draco sighed.

"Yeah, like you'd want to go through a pitch black forest with her?" Blaise cried.

"No, and I don't have to," Draco smirked.

"No, 'cause you're going with _Spars_!" Blaise teased.

"Spars?" Draco asked and raised a brow.

"Yeah!" Blaise said. "That's my nickname for Wera. I made it up! Wicked, eh? I had to choose between 'Hot Mama' and 'Spars', but 'Hot Mama' reminded me too much of my mom, and she doesn't have very good looking legs…"

Draco sighed.

"Oh dear, here they come!" Blaise said and leaned in towards Draco; "Draco, your hair is a bit messy."

"Blaise, your entire hair is messy."

"Yeah, that's the point!" Blaise said and made his hair a bit messier and carefully flattened his slightly slanting fringe. "Messy is modern and fringe is hot!"

"In your world, perhaps," Draco said dryly and dragged a hand though his own, blonde, perfectly combed hair.


End file.
